Captain's Blog

Last night I stayed over at my daughter's house as she was having to get up early this morning to drive my son-in-law to Bordeaux Airport and I was required to look after my grandchildren and get them up and off to school.

At 7am she came to my bedroom and said that one of her car lights wasn't working and could she borrow mine? Of course I agreed and got up to sort out keys etc. Off she went in my car and I got dressed and sorted the children out with breakfast - we even had time to write a poem together following a little argument with a wardrobe door.

Soon it was 8.45 and time to bundle the children into my daughter's car, remembering not to let them put their schoolbags in the boot because Louis xmas present was still in there. I put the key in the ignition and the engine started .... then died I tried again ... it died again! Aimée (age 7) said "are you using the right key?" "of course I am!" said I One more turn of the key as I didn't want to flood the engine .... same thing happened. I thought I'd better call my daughter and explained what had happened and that it looked like an electrical problem then she said "which key are you using?" Then it suddenly dawned on me I recall that earlier this year her car key developed a fault and she had to get a new one. Fancy keeping the old one on the same key ring!!!

I switched keys and voila .... we had lift off

Now then what's that strange whining sound from the rear of the car? "I told you so Grandma"

Dear Sir,

On behalf of United Kingdom Customs & Excise I wish to thank you for your letter with regard to the alleged failure of Mr. S. Claus to properly declare gifts imported from abroad and to pay appropriate V.A.T. and import duty.

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on your information regarding transgressions of employment law with regard to the elves as this matter is currently sub-judice.

Most recently the Serious Crimes Unit of the Metropolitan Police has begun an investigation into the alleged usage of the Internet to communicate spurious promises offering something for nothing, which every adult knows to be a fantasy in this life. We have also noted your information regarding Mr. Claus’ consumption of sherry, brandy-laced mince pies and other forms of alcohol during his travels and you may be assured that the Metropolitan Police is very eager to breathalyse him at the earliest opportunity.

Please be advised that Customs & Excise has a continuing investigation into the usage of unregistered conveyances to enter the United Kingdom. We also have collateral investigations in conjunction with the Civil Aviation Authority regarding flights into restricted air space, although, mysteriously, the conveyance in question has not been sighted near 10 Downing St., Westminster for several years.

Finally, your allegations that Mr. Claus has removed every single flying reindeer, an endangered species, from their natural habitat and has hitched them to an overly-burdened sleigh, forcing them to fly under adverse weather conditions has been passed to the RSPCA. This cannot be permitted to continue and it is my understanding that prosecutions are imminent.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you personally for your information in this regard. It is all too rare that a member of the public is prepared to stand up and be counted when he or she witnesses an event that is contrary to the public interest.

Regards,
E. Bunny
HM Ministry of Custard and Exercise.

COME ON - OWN UP - IT WAS YOU WASN'T IT?

Would a chore be less of a chore if it was called something different?

Blame gardengirl for that thought!!!

Yes - I hereby declare that I am a wuss!

Here I am sat in my dressing gown blogging when I should be all dressed up nice and warm in some old jeans and jumper and out in the garden finishing off the jobs I started yesterday. But yesterday it was warm and sunny and today it's cold and windy.

Perhaps the wind will drop this afternoon and I'll venture out but until then I'm staying put. I might even have to light my first log fire of the winter except that means going out to the wood store and bringing a load of logs across to the house. I've been meaning to bring a dozen or so over but not got round to it.

Ah well - first things first - a cafetiere of coffee and a couple of croissants then I'll get dressed and do my ironing. Hopefully the weather might change by the time I've finished.

Have a lovely day wherever you are and however you decide to spend your Saturday - for two pins I'd sneak back under the duvet and spend the day in hibernation.

See you later.

I've recently starting meeting up for coffee on a Thursday morning with some people I met at French class. This gets me out of the house and helps me keep in touch with a very nice bunch of people. Yesterday morning I spotted a member of the theatre group and excused myself from the "coffee group" to go and talk to her. I asked if if she wanted to come and sit with us but she declined.

When I went back to my seat someone said "Is that the lady who has the three-legged dog?"

This got me wondering how I'd be described?

Perhaps "Is that one of the ugly sisters?" or "Is that the woman who writes poems?"

How do you think your acquaintances would describe you?

....would you hold it against me?

Me: NO!

Him: If I said you had a beautiful body and a beautiful mind would you?

Me: NO!

Him: Then I'll just have to make love to you in my mind.

Me: OK - enjoy

Ah well it's nice to be asked!

Now I remember my second one.......

I went to see them at Blackpool's Opera House on 30th March 1988 with my two daughter's who were then aged 19 & 15 years old.

I remember it was a super concert

Blame MASSappeal and xmillyxxx for making me do this.

My first experience was on 1st April 1972 at the Public Hall, Preston.

Steady on there ........

Obviously I'm talking about the first pop concert I went to! You didn't expect me to do that sex meme did you?

So what was your first concert?

PRICELESS